The 2010 that was

The year’s drawing to a close, and I’m finding it hard to say bye bye. It is like trying to hold water in your palm. It is never possible to keep it back, it will pass; in it’s own sweet time, but it definitely will. This post is about the year that was, it is inspired by a fellow blogger’s post (). But I just wanted my own documentation of this year- it started off on awful notes, but went by pretty smooth when I toned down on my expectations.

The year started off with an all girls trip- Roo and Roo and I, to Bangalore, which I thoroughly enjoyed. February through May was not just the best part of the year but also a welcome break. The supposed final year project was not just easy-breezy but I also enjoyed the whole process, because a. I had an awesome guide at the company who took the pains to make me understand every bit of the pie b. It was in my favourite subject- Consumer Behaviour and c. I did not have to report to work every day- I used to work from home; I could hatch at home when I was jobless which gave me time to do enough reading to last a long long while. I thus discovered Edward Cullen and co, Eragon and Saphira. I even read some strange necromancer trilogy called Garth Nix or something like that. Said hi to the Girl with the dragon tattoo, wept along with Mariam and Laila in A thousand Splendid suns..On the whole, it was good year for enriching the personal literature.

The project also involved me going to Coimbatore on my own. Sort of a coming of age thing I would say, which made me value friends, my own independence and love the ‘what will come next’ feel as I walked around the city on my own. I loved every moment of that trip- met some wonderful people, got a head full of memories and learnt a lot many things.

Somewhere in between, amidst everybody around me getting jobs and me sitting depressed and jobless, I landed in L&T Infotech. I was not all that excited as one would expect- it was more of an ‘I also have a job’ sort of smug feeling. But the job required me to spend 2 weeks in Mumbai, as a part of their ‘Management trainee-Training’ thing, which was actually two weeks of nothing but fun. Again I met some wonderful people- from all over the country. The best part of it was that we were all like minded-same frequency-crowd, where nobody could actually stand out like a sore thumb. All my apprehensions about blending in/ being the only south Indian/ talking nothing but text-bookish hindi/ worst of all- not wearing the right sort of clothes (gasp) evaporated the moment I met the entire crowd. I made some very good friends there- Soham, Anup, Deepa, Sneha..Haresh. And though I do not talk to most of the others as often as I would like, I will always remember those two weeks as the best days of work-life.

I started work soon after that. The months that followed are a blur. But the financial independence that came with it was exhilarating. Vague memories flash by- Long drives on the ECR with friends, swiping the card whenever I came across any bag/shoe/clothing that caught my fancy, many nights out with the girls- one moment giggling over some comical incident that happened in school, tongues loose and minds filled with mirth; the next moment sharing worries and uncertainties about the future; wondering why we grew up.

The last leg of the year saw me desperately needing a break, so I took off to the western ghats with a few friends. For two days there was no worrying about the boss calling you to work on a Saturday, invoice completeness and other headaches. Two days of bliss.

Then it was time for some farewell. My colleague left the team at a time when I was not sure I would be able to take charge on my own. A very close friend of mine from work left for an onsite assignment at a phase when I was just getting to know people and much as I was happy for him, it was like the only person I knew from work was leaving me. In the same vein I add- Where there is a hollow, it is filled. I’m continually being surprised by people around me, and getting to know better the awesome people who had always been around me.

As the year is coming to an end, I look back and I see how much I have learnt. I have had to make some of the most trying decisions of my life this year, from letting go of someone/thing I never thought I would have the heart to, to hardening my heart and standing up for myself in the garbage that is called the corporate world- where everybody is out to get everybody else..This year, I lost a mobile phone, I still keep getting caught by the traffic cops, I don’t read as much as I would like to..And one of my best best friends is not talking to me for reasons best known to him. But I am also doing my extra language, writing more than I ever used to, and being more assertive. I notice stark shifts in the topics we discuss and my outlook towards life in general. I notice myself evolving. I am making new friends, I see myself wanting to go that extra mile and live the life I have come here to live.

I see myself changing. I only hope it is for the better.

Have you found your tree?

This is a philosophical-mind talk- post.
It was a rainy, gloomy, pathetic way to end the week. For want of something to do other than listen to the rain, I picked the Hindu Sunday magazine and was leafing through it, and came across this article. It was a travelogue. The author had visited Rome and had written her description of the city. It had a two line description of the author: “The author is a Japanese language expert and a travel-writer”.
That’s when I started thinking. I mean, if I wrote something like that and it got published, what would the description part be? “The author is a Management Trainee with a multi-billion dollar company, who is still unsure of what she is doing/wants to do with her life”.
All my life, I have always made it a point to own responsibility and not blame anybody else for where life had taken me or what I had done. It is my belief that whatever happened, did happen, because I had never stood up against what was happening, and had allowed it to happen. There is no point playing the blame game.
That brings me to where I am now. I have a job. Many people around don’t; that makes me appreciate it a lot more. I have a great boss and a super cool team to work with. I’m still in the trainee phase of the job, and I’m learning a lot- the nuances of the different managerial activities that take place in the organization, etc. But most times I wonder what I am doing over here. Deserving appreciations are given, compensation is good (but of course; never enough- heard of anybody who says he makes enough money?) and there is enough politics to keep me interested. But. Something’s missing. Maybe it’s the reduced time I get to spend with family. Maybe it is the fact that I come home only to eat, sleep and eat again; and rush back to work. Maybe it’s the absolutely negligible “me-time’ that I get- it has been ages since I ran, since I got a massage without thinking about what needed to be done about this report or that query. Maybe it’s the worry that these wouldn’t change- I see bosses and peers working just as long and hard as me. Maybe it is the guilt that instead of spending TIME with family I’m finding myself money on them and telling myself that I’m balancing the equation pretty well. Maybe it’s the knowledge that I am just another nameless, faceless contributor to the super-populated industry that garners the most revenue to the nation. Maybe it’s the knowledge that I’m easily replaceable- anybody can do what I do. I’m doing nothing unique.
Maybe I’m being ungrateful and thankless. But this is my life and I don’t want to look back on it after twenty years and say- where did it all go? I want to be a mum like my mum is. I want to watch my kids grow up, not wonder how they grew up so quickly. My list of ‘things that I want to do’ gets longer with every passing day- learn Russian and German and Spanish, learn the salsa, learn to cook super awesome meals, scale the Himalayas, go scuba diving, visit the Louvre, and Russia and the Niagara and the Singapore zoo. I want to cycle to Puducherry. I want to write a book. I wish to do so many things and I’m worried if I would be able to.
Now I’ll tell you a story. It was recounted by a participant- Gaurav, at last week’s Toastmasters at work. There was a hunter. He was a famous guy known for his bravery and hunting capabilities. One night he went to look for game. And he came back with a story. To the enthralled audience he said that that night, he walked into the forest that he knew so well. He walked and walked looking for deer or some game that his family could feed on, but to his misfortune, he found nothing. All night he walked and towards day break he was tired and dejected. Then he heard this earth shaking roar. He was in a savannah with head high grass and right behind him was a lion roaring for his blood. So the hunter took off on his heels and kept running till he reached the end of the savannah. What stretched in front of him now was a vast plain land with no tree or shrubbery in sight. The breathless audience asked him what he did then. “I climbed a tree” he replied, smiling. “But how could you climb a tree? You just mentioned that there were no trees there!” questioned someone. The hunter replied- “My friend, there is ALWAYS a tree. You just have to look for it!”
So today I started on my French again. I’m going to start running from Monday. (I’m hoping that once I publicize it thus, I will have no choice but to do it, if I ever have any inhibitions about getting out of bed on Monday morning). I have a crazy idea that might make a good book. And I am hoping that whatever plans I have inside my head work out well. I believe I found my tree 

Bye bye Ravi :(

Those who know me well know that at one point of time I could not talk enough about my first (and only-at that time) team mate at my first (and current) job. For those who don’t, allow me to introduce Ravi Iyer. They say your first job is what shapes your entire career; so it is very important that you choose well, and give it your all. I think, what is more important is that you are lucky enough to land yourself in a team that helps you bring out your best. I think I was.

In the beginning I had a huge huge crush on him. Once, conversationally he had said ‘sweetheart’ and I was flying in the air and text messaged it to all the girls, and couldn’t stop grinning for an hour. Maybe that made working with him a lot more fun; but it was not all. He taught me many lessons, which I would remember, even if I forgot how he looked like or what he spoke like.
From day one, Ravi had been very patient with me, teaching me things (repeatedly, if needed) and made me feel at home. It was like- it never did seem like my first job after one point of time. I learnt a lot of things from him. The first one being, how important it is to work as a ‘team’. There had been many times when, due to ‘labor crunch’ we had had to stay back and work really late. Most of the time Ravi would have finished his tasks and I would have been slower than a snail, patiently working till 7 or 8, and then freaking out looking at how dark it was outside. Then he would say ‘Get up, get up, move, I’ll do it’ and finish whatever I estimated would take at least an hour, in a couple of minutes. I remember the first time he left what he was working on to help me out with some presentation I was struggling with, I told him I was sorry for taking his time or something of that sort; he said ‘aisa nahi hota hai yaar’- It doesn’t work that way. You want help, ask. It’s ok to ask.
He loves to teach- small things, big things. Some people, especially in such IT organizations, zealously guard whatever little they know from you, lest you climb a rung higher than them. I learnt that it is a joy to share what you know. For, when you teach, you learn too.
I remember this once, when there was this huge task that needed completion. Ravi was done with it and had to send it to a superior. It was very important that the task was error free, and he triple checked it before he clicked the send button. But the mail wouldn’t go. So we sent it from my mail id. As expected, the task was done error-free. And guess who got appreciated for it? Me. If I was in Ravi’s place, I would have torn the place down. (Appreciations are a big thing here) If Ravi felt bad; he never showed it. That made me tell the boss that it was him who did it, not me. But it also sealed my faith in him, that he was a friend and that he could be trusted. And I was so glad I did not have some bitchy, whiny girl for a team mate.
He has an opinion about everything. Sometimes he counters his own opinions. (It is a lot of fun when he does that). He can talk about any topic under the sun. He is very well read, but he never shows off. You would never guess it till you spoke to him. He comes up with the most unimaginable questions. The most recent one that he posed was, ‘People plug their ears with their fingers when they burst those loud, noisy crackers. If people don’t want to hear the noise so much, then why burst them anyway and ruin everybody else’s peace?’
Though we had some rough patches (once he wouldn’t speak to me for a week), every time I think of him, I think of only the good times that we had. This week is his last week at work, and throughout his notice period of 3 months, I was dreading the last day, because working without him is going to be very difficult indeed. His head wouldn’t pop out from his cubicle when I yell ‘Ravi, Help!’. I’m going to have trouble with making graphs, and he is not going to be around to tell me how to sort it out. But this I know- When I see my new team mate struggling with something, I can see myself helping him and telling him, ‘Aisa nahi hota hai, I can help!’

My City, My Pride!

My city celebrated its 371st birthday a few weekends back. From Madrasapattinam to Madras to Chennai (I personally like Madras the best of the lot) the city has come a long way. Though largely unpopular for its conservative nature and relatively slow paced lifestyle, when bench marked with other metros, we Chennaiites like it this way, just the same. Chennai just wouldn’t be Chennai without all of that. And the Cooum. The “machi” slang. The haggling, over charging auto drivers. The scorching sun. And so many more!
Chennai is just a misunderstood city.
Then I wonder, what do we see in Chennai that the rest of the country misses?
Life is slower than usual here. We know our neighbours, their extended families, their joys and sorrows. We feed their kids, dogs and fishes when they are on vacation/late from work.
Our weddings are sober, silent events, but they are magical in their own way. A death, in contrast, is accompanied by loud, characteristic, one-of-a-kind music and dance.
The trains are less crowded. The buses are more frequent. When you call some unknown stranger “Anna” a brotherly bond suddenly springs into place, and stays till you say “thanks anna!”
We are obsessed with getting a medical degree or an engineering degree. Every family MUST have kids studying or intending to study either of these. Or they are frowned down upon. Words like ‘lesbian’ and ‘sex’ freak us out big time, and our pubs are mandated to close at 12 midnight.
The city has something for everybody. When I am absolutely bankrupt, I can go to the beach and still have the time of my life, without having to spend a single penny. Man, we adore our beaches!
WE HAVE RAJINIKANTH! In which sane world would you have people investing cores of money on a 60 year old hero? To most people here, Rajini is next to God. A Rajini movie should be watched in a theatre on the first day of its release, at least once in a lifetime. Experience electricity!
The Sun is at its best here. After freezing for four hours in the air-con, the sun is an unasked-for boon. “Soak” is the word to use. We love you, sun-dude!
We boast about the ECR like it is our family property. Imagine driving (read-racing) down a never ending road, with the endless sea on one side, and innumerable recreations on the other- from movies to paint ball to restaurants that cater to every cuisine and every interest.
We have a Sowcarpet which is a mini Mumbai in itself. We have Mylapore where you find a temple in every street. We have Express Avenue which is South Asia’s biggest mall. And we have Ranganathan street, where at any given time you will find atleast 5000 shoppers who will risk being trampled/suffocated to shop.
We have Vedanthangal- a bird sanctuary where birds fly from all over the world to roost every year. We have a croc bank where any homeless crocodile can find a home. We have a zoo (which I’d rather not recommend) and a national park. And an IIT which I highly recommend visiting. And a NIFT, which has such colourful classrooms and infrastructure- that every movie based on college/school life has a scene filmed there. We have the MIT and the Anna University (which churned out prodigies like our beloved APJ Abdul Kalam).
We have Kodambakkam- The heart of Tamil Cinema (I will not use the term “Kollywood”). We have AR Rahman, who springs surprise after surprise on us, and we love him for it!
We have the Moore market and the Burma Bazaar, where you can get anything that is not exactly “legal”. We have police men, some with hearts and some with deep pockets. And we have auto men who would make great lawyers.
We speak a language that is the national language of many other countries- Srilanka, Malaysia, and the like. And despite its complexity, our favourite costume is the saree. Well, it can be worn to cover, or worn to reveal. It can be both, the most decent or the most indecent outfit a woman could wear.
The ants and kuruvis (sparrows) make a meal out of our kolams everyday. And we love the variety that our cuisine offers us! To those who don’t know: we DO eat dishes other than Idly and Dosa. From uthappam to pongal to vadai- there is a lot unexplored by those who haven’t heard of these yet.
I want to write more but this post is a month old and crying out loud to be published. This list is just a glimpse of my city- It is a lovely place, sadly, very misunderstood. I love it, nevertheless.
My Chennai 

Things that you simply SHOULD do at least once in a lifetime!*

*These are MY views, this is MY list!

•Have a night long phone call with someone whom you can just talk anything with
•Moonlight-beach walk through for hours with a friend, with the water lapping your feet, and crabs scurrying all around
•Shop and shop and shop, then sleep the rest of the day
•Get drunk so much that you cannot hold your tongue anymore, about anything :P
•Ride the bike when it is raining hard, not worried about wet clothes or fever-colds that would follow
•Wrestle for peanuts or something equally insignificant with friends
•Meet school friends and laugh till you start crying, discussing the gone days- getting locked in the rabbit coops, discovering the ‘forbidden terrace’..
•Cheat in the tests, and almost get caught..and never learn from the experience :P
•Play a game of rules-free basketball
•Fall hopelessly in love, dream, doodle, sing, write, dance and cry over it
•Watch movies-rom coms, preferably, back to back, with the girls; and cry and laugh with the characters
•Sit in bed with piping hot chai and a book, with rains outside, knowing you don’t have to work that day
•Cook a meal with friends, and manfully eat it all :D
•Bitch about a bad relationship with the closest friends and feel re-born after the session
•Lick molten chocolate off the foil, fingers, nose and all
•Play hide and seek when you are 22 yrs old
•Throw stones and hit mangoes that are supposed to be off bounds, and smuggle them home without getting caught
• Walk out when yelled ‘Get out!’ at, go lounge at the canteen and run into the HOD over there
•Show the finger at someone who cuts across your path on the road..Or better still, abuse and run!
•Bargain..and win!
•Get thrown into the beach, and get drenched till the teeth chatter
•Walk in the woods, listen to birds, swim in a forest river..fish, cook and eat- Survival training!
•Run..without a care in the world
•Bunk college, hoodwink the watchmen and zoom out of college..or jump the walls, almost get caught..and RUN!
•Experience 120 kmph in a two wheeler :D
•Sing the FIFA anthem, out loud, in the road :D
*Sneak out of classrooms; jump walls; vrroom past watchmen..(ahh those days!)
*Have cotton candy in the beach
*Giant wheel!!
*Have a guy tell you he loves you..and means it
*Hug a stranger
*Pet a dog that's hungry for love
*Make somebody smile every day
*Walk in the rain
And well..much much more :)

To Aid or not to Aid?

The latest kidnap-rape strategy that is making waves in Chennai is to get a small kid to wail in the road. The kid would then approach girls who appear to be travelling alone, and go, ‘Akka, akka, please help..’ They would have an address in hand; the address would be a house located only a street away. Out of sheer good will, the girl accompanies the kid to the doorstep, gets forcibly pulled inside and robbed/raped depending on the mood/taste of the creeps.
This bit of news was playing in my head when I got out of the train on my way back home, from work. Railway stations here are miserable places. You find all sorts of sick, old and homeless people in the railway station, because it offers them a free roof. It is such a crime to allow them shelter in a public space such as this because it gives one such a heart wrenching start to the day, every day!(“Why can’t the Government DO something??!!”) The other day I saw a drunk man roll down the stairs and drop down limp at the foot of the stair case, where his family was squatting. Everything went still, like for 2 seconds, then it was as if nothing happened. Trust me; you get to see all sorts of drama when you look close enough. I’ll save that for another post.
So yes, my mum had drilled it into my head- No talking to strange people, run away from kids asking you for help, never trust an unknown face, etc. As I walk out, there is this family- one boy and his mum, who is holding a baby. They are dressed in rags and it is drizzling. Everybody is rushing home to escape the torrent; and the boy is crying loudly- ‘Koi Hindi jaante hai? Please Koi Hindi jaante hai?’(Anybody follows Hindi here? Please, does anybody follow Hindi here?) I know Hindi well enough; I know I sure could help that family. They were just asking for help. Alone in a land that spoke an alien tongue, swarming with dark, mean, alien people. For a second I put myself in that little boy’s shoes and felt so sad for him, I started walking towards him.
Then I hear my mum’s voice go, ‘DON’T!!!’ I know it was foolish, I know it was baseless fear. But-What if it was otherwise? I do have a heart; I just don’t want it to stop functioning because of some avoidable error.
For a second that boy’s eyes found mine, and then I forced myself to look away and moved on. Only that it has been troubling me ever since.
Damn those creeps.
Then I happened to read something related to this, by Malcom Gladwell. I highly recommend his books, by the way. So he says there was this murder that happened somewhere in the US of A. A woman was chased and attacked thrice in an alley, over a span of 20 minutes, with 38 families watching from their windows. But not one soul dialed the police. Why?
A few researchers studied this, and found out that that murdered lady’s mistake was running into an alley that had 38 families. Because everybody believes somebody else will do it, and of course, nobody does. Had she run into an alley way that had just one family, she might have survived that attempt on her life. They even give it a name: ‘Diffused Responsibility’ The larger the number of people in the vicinity, the higher the diffusion. Call it whatever, it sure IS a mean mean world out there. You get screwed for helping people. You feel shitty for having not helped people. And worst of all; when you need help, most of the world runs away from you.
But I said ‘most’ of the world. There is one small percentage, of nice people in the world. That small percentage will always exist, no matter how what. That small percentage that EVER stays back to help you; those are the nice souls that exist, and will always exist. There may be creeps like the evil-rapists, but the world goes round because of people like these. Let the police force work about throwing the creeps in. You and I can work to making it a better place for the rest of the world. Like they say, angels are everywhere; you just need to find them. And try to be one of them.

what women like

It has been a while since I blogged- work and the like keeping me busy..so; anyway, excuses, excuses! I was having one of those heart to heart talks with my bro yesterday; I was telling him how all of a sudden I was having these huge huge crushes on so many guys at the same time. I was thinking I had outgrown that phase, and now!
Crushes used to be a BIG thing through school. And they used to crop up so often. Thinking about them now, they seem so childish, but hey, all of us have been there and done all those idiot things; so I can speak about them. I walked into my very first crush in a restaurant the other day. He was my neighbour. Now, I cannot fathom what I saw in him, but I vividly remember cranky things I used to do when he was around. I was in 6th standard then, so now I excuse myself, and live with the embarrassing memories.
But technically speaking, what exactly is this thing all about? It is a super normal, natural part of growing up and hence, has to freak parents out. Even now my mum freaks out if I tell her I think someone is really cute. She has no problem with any guy friend of mine, until I tell her I think he is nice/sweet/cute. So I don’t give her those panic attacks anymore. We all learn with time.
I guess we mature with time. In the beginning, like through middle school, we used to discus boys who would have smiled at us in the traffic signal/tried to flirt with us in the train/ had been made to say ‘hi’ to us in some cousin’s wedding/ tuition mates(!!!) etc. Of course, we would perceive all these to be ‘cute’. Then through college, we graduated to having crushes on boys who were not necessarily cute, but smart in some way or the other. Some guy who was great at debating in the culturals, or who sang better than everybody else, or who had great attitude. I can’t quite remember now, anyway.
Then it has come to now. I guess at this age (I HAVE started talking like I have aged, right?) we look beyond all that, Now I tell my bro, “We started looking beyond face value, at the HEART level” and he snorts. According to him, girls never do that. HE is entitled to his opinion, anyway. Now, different things fancy me. I figured I like people who are funny and make me laugh. I like people who are gentleman-ly, those who will hold doors open for you (no, not many guys do that these days, what with all the feminism talks) and are concerned about you. I like people with whom I share common interests. Like for instance, I never used to look twice at my team mate at work till I heard that he lives alone with his two dogs he got from his home town. Now, he is this compassionate and kind guy who suddenly looks very sweet and nice to me. And we discus ‘Is Pedigree ideal enough for dogs?’ for fifteen whole minutes. Pretty lame, huh? Whatever :-)
But whatever it is, it sure is nice. What the heck, at least there is something to look forward to, when I start to work! I am sure that it will die out in a few days, till I meet someone who, say, can play great cricket! Till then, who is complaining?!!! The nice things in life that come for free! Cheers :-)