So, it is 12 am here, and I am sipping
sugar less milk and typing away about something that has been troubling my head
for all of the past few days. Last night I had this TALK with a friend that
stretched into sunrise- about how, plainly how stupid most of us can be at
times, with respect to this cannot-do-without something called relationships.
I have a friend named Arjun who told me something really
sensible way back when we were in school. It goes like this. You know fire can scald. Some people blindly go by that hand-me-down knowledge that fire is
bad, and don’t dare go near it. There are some others who see other people
getting their fingers burnt, get some sense and stay away from fire. And then
there are some others who realize the perils of it only after they stick their
own fingers into the furnace- yes a lesson is learnt; but so is a scar earned
for life.
Here, I only write about what I have learnt- from experiences of my own; and what
I have seen happening around me- to friends of mine, to people I know. All of us have burnt ourselves at some point of
time or the other, haven’t we?
It is so sad- that while most of us may be experts at giving
free advice, we simply lose the power of sight when the protagonist of the soap
happens to be ourselves. I see so many, many smart, successful and sensible men
and women claiming to have found ‘THE ONE’ and singing dreamy duets with
him/her, when the one in question is
holding a placard that screams- BACK OFF! Most times, we are so caught up in
our own fantasy land, too confident about ourselves and our capabilities in
making this thing work- because this is what I want, that we simply
fail to see if we are throwing energy, effort and time into the right
individual. More often than not- it is going to end up in heart ache, and at
the end of it all, you will be the one to who the world says ‘We ALL told you
so!’ – You were too wound up in your flowery dreams to listen!
I am at a loss to understand why many of us- myself
included- fail to notice these signs. I made a list of all the visible signs I
could think of. You are free to add more to this list.
The first and foremost would be ‘I love you, but_’ When this
comes from a man, especially, it is time for the woman to pick her clothes,
bags and all the broken shards of her heart and run. In my opinion, when
someone says this- they are simply being nice. We better take the hint and
scoot. Because- when you try to sort out the first issue they have with you,
they will invariably come up with another issue. Because, if a man or woman
really, really wants something to work out- excuses tend to evaporate.New paths
are created. Mistakes are absolved. Everything- from your stutter to your
family- is taken in stride. A man who says, ‘I’ll take care of everything’
deserves you more that a man who says ‘I really, really like you- but ..’
Sometimes- we come across people who are just too busy. I
have heard this hurled at myself too, more than once. There will be people who
you feel are interested in you, but whose priority list will never include you.
And I am pretty sure that when it doesn’t include you today- it will never
include you ever. For good, or for bad we will never know now, but being well
bred and sophisticated people, it is best we make our exit from the back door
in the most graceful way possible- and not make a scene.
And then, for some reason or the other- there will be people
who let go of you too easily. The smallest issue might turn them off; the
tiniest fight might cause them to break things off. ‘Ok let’s break up’ will be
their mantra. The other unwilling partner, ofcourse, would be as unrelenting as
ever. ‘When I want this so bad, I will make it work!’ But when the other person
is not willing to even share the responsibility of making it work- even a bit-
then there is something fundamentally wrong with your choice, my friend.
Then there is this lot- who claim to love you- but hate you.
They hate your guts, your dressing, your looks- somehow- you will never be good
enough for them. YET they will cling along- for reasons best known to them. ‘You
cant do this- you cant do that..you are no good!’ flows the tirade. And Miss
I-cannot-imagine-life-without-this-psycho will live through the daily erosion
of her self esteem hoping her LOVE will make him change. Haha. Lady, grow up.
It will never happen. Negativity is bad and negative people seldom change- get
rid of both at Once!
Some folks out there might be waiting to get their fangs on
me.
Love is holy, love is pure!
What would
you know, you little thing-immature?
I seriously
believe that Love is something that is a mix of respect, pleasure and joy.
Mutual.
Matter of
opinion. Like all other things in the world. :)
