Saturday, November 17, 2012

She loves me.. she loves me not..

     So, it is 12 am here, and I am sipping sugar less milk and typing away about something that has been troubling my head for all of the past few days. Last night I had this TALK with a friend that stretched into sunrise- about how, plainly how stupid most of us can be at times, with respect to this cannot-do-without something called relationships.

     I have a friend named Arjun who told me something really sensible way back when we were in school. It goes like this. You know fire can scald. Some people blindly go by that hand-me-down knowledge that fire is bad, and don’t dare go near it. There are some others who see other people getting their fingers burnt, get some sense and stay away from fire. And then there are some others who realize the perils of it only after they stick their own fingers into the furnace- yes a lesson is learnt; but so is a scar earned for life.

    Here, I only write about what I have learnt- from experiences of my own; and what I have seen happening around me- to friends of mine, to people I know. All of us have burnt ourselves at some point of time or the other, haven’t we?

     It is so sad- that while most of us may be experts at giving free advice, we simply lose the power of sight when the protagonist of the soap happens to be ourselves. I see so many, many smart, successful and sensible men and women claiming to have found ‘THE ONE’ and singing dreamy duets with him/her, when  the one in question is holding a placard that screams- BACK OFF! Most times, we are so caught up in our own fantasy land, too confident about ourselves and our capabilities in making this thing work- because this is what I want, that we simply fail to see if we are throwing energy, effort and time into the right individual. More often than not- it is going to end up in heart ache, and at the end of it all, you will be the one to who the world says ‘We ALL told you so!’ – You were too wound up in your flowery dreams to listen!

     I am at a loss to understand why many of us- myself included- fail to notice these signs. I made a list of all the visible signs I could think of. You are free to add more to this list.
The first and foremost would be ‘I love you, but_’ When this comes from a man, especially, it is time for the woman to pick her clothes, bags and all the broken shards of her heart and run. In my opinion, when someone says this- they are simply being nice. We better take the hint and scoot. Because- when you try to sort out the first issue they have with you, they will invariably come up with another issue. Because, if a man or woman really, really wants something to work out- excuses tend to evaporate.New paths are created. Mistakes are absolved. Everything- from your stutter to your family- is taken in stride. A man who says, ‘I’ll take care of everything’ deserves you more that a man who says ‘I really, really like you- but ..’ 

     Sometimes- we come across people who are just too busy. I have heard this hurled at myself too, more than once. There will be people who you feel are interested in you, but whose priority list will never include you. And I am pretty sure that when it doesn’t include you today- it will never include you ever. For good, or for bad we will never know now, but being well bred and sophisticated people, it is best we make our exit from the back door in the most graceful way possible- and not make a scene.

     And then, for some reason or the other- there will be people who let go of you too easily. The smallest issue might turn them off; the tiniest fight might cause them to break things off. ‘Ok let’s break up’ will be their mantra. The other unwilling partner, ofcourse, would be as unrelenting as ever. ‘When I want this so bad, I will make it work!’ But when the other person is not willing to even share the responsibility of making it work- even a bit- then there is something fundamentally wrong with your choice, my friend. 

     Then there is this lot- who claim to love you- but hate you. They hate your guts, your dressing, your looks- somehow- you will never be good enough for them. YET they will cling along- for reasons best known to them. ‘You cant do this- you cant do that..you are no good!’ flows the tirade. And Miss I-cannot-imagine-life-without-this-psycho will live through the daily erosion of her self esteem hoping her LOVE will make him change. Haha. Lady, grow up. It will never happen. Negativity is bad and negative people seldom change- get rid of both at Once!

Some folks out there might be waiting to get their fangs on me.
Love is holy, love is pure!
What would you know, you little thing-immature?

I seriously believe that Love is something that is a mix of respect, pleasure and joy. Mutual.

Matter of opinion. Like all other things in the world. :)

24 comments:

Suchi Das said...

Wohhooo ...I was knowing that you were a voracious love stories and fiction reader...Here, good to know the writer part too.. Good read..Nice prediction of thoughts in this short story piece

Suchi Das said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sinduja said...

Gitanjali,

Wow, this really summed it up. Or at least, I found myself so vehemently agreeing with all the four points. Really really wise insights, trust me, and definitely more valuable because it strays away from the conventional advice we see being repeated everywhere.

The "I love you, but..." part really hit hard. I mean, yes, so glaring a cue but we miss it. Thinking of it now, I think one needs to call it off the next second after this phrase is uttered because it is so loud a signal!

The priority part - well, I am guilty of it myself. There are far too many people whose calls I rarely attend or messages I seldom respond to. Consciously, I have no malicious intentions or nothing against them. I tell myself that I will get back to them later. However, I realize at times that if things really mattered, I would have made amends immediately. Despite my self-assurance, the reality is defined by my actions.

And I so agree with the last point - people who hate us in the pretext of love. The sad part is, they themselves do not know it.

In my opinion, every relationship between two people is born to fulfill some needs of both the parties. We give some, we take some. However, when the giving is far more than the taking for one of them, and vice-versa for another, it is high time they re-think the bond.

Great post Gita. I really feel these points should become a part of the curriculum...well, something like that, you know :D

Ganesh Puttu said...

And she hasnt yet met her prince charming with whom she will live happily ever after (and slyly delete this post)...fingers crossed...wishing you luck...

Ni... said...

Geethu, Very well written!!! I truly feel that this is how the current trend of love life is revolving around our generation!! But the experience we gain from this love life is defn needed, but to what extent solely depends on each individual!! Kudos to ya!!

mahesh said...

Really well written Gitanjali :) to quote a song:

Ishq bina kya jeena yaara, ishq bina kya marna, imli se khatta ishq ishq, misri se meetha ishq ishq :)

Time is the biggest equaliser somewhere someone is out there who will be a soulmate.

One more song that keeps buzzing in my head that exemplifies the statement above -

Kehtay Hain Khuda Nay Is Jahaan Main Sabhi Kay Liyay Kisi Na Kisi Ko Hai Banaya Har Kisi Kay Liye. Tera Milna Ha Us Rab Ka Ishara Maanu Mujko Banaya Teray Jaisay He Kisi Kay Liyay.

From Agent Vinod :)

Great Post again :)

knight said...

Love is a mix of emotional, intellectual and physical compatibility...as simple as that !!

Cheers
Abhi :)

gitanjali said...

@ Suchi- thanks you ! :-)

@ Sinduja- Hwyy! Thanks for taking the trouble n penning that assent :)We miss it, we keep missing it..n while we are on the other side; we think- OMG- can this really BE happening?! HOW can someone be so..BLIND! Thanks for the vote of confidence, you :) cheers! and see you soon!

gitanjali said...

@ Ganesh- haha, many thanks! he will show himself, soon :)

@ Nish- Thanks babe! Truly agree..How we take it matters. To Move on or to keep worrying? What do you say? ;)

gitanjali said...

Mahesh- Ah, musical indeed! Thanks for stopping by! :)

Kappu said...

Can't agree more! Included you learn to demarcate between hate and jibes that are hurled in sheer exasperation/stress!

As with the other point those who mind don't matter and those who matter dint mind!

Kappu said...

Don't*

Ashwini C N said...

Completely agree with your thoughts.

The thing is we tend to channelize all our attention on one singular aspect/person that even the most noticeable fact can miss our sight. This might be ok , if the other person reciprocates it, but if it is going to be just a one way act, Oh, someone is in for a heartbreak. People should learn to step out from their fantasy world once in a while and look at their dream bubble from a completely different perspective and see if it makes sense or if everything was just complete non sense.

And as for relationships, the Respect and love factors should come equally from both sides, the minute one realizes that something is not right with the other side, as Fastrack says, it's time to "Move On"!

I loved your writing style in this post, specially :-)

Mel said...

Very well written ... a different take on relationships..your post seems like a sign board:-)

gitanjali said...

@ Abhishek- perfectly put! :)

@Kappu- yes that is true..exasperation/stress jibes must not be taken into account! I ought to have mentioned that somewhere..thankyou so much :)

gitanjali said...

@ Ash- very true. mutual respect must be fore most factor taken into consideration..never give it up for anything :)
Many thanks for the nice words, Ash! See you soon! :)

gitanjali said...

@ Melani- welcome aboard :) Thankyou- and i wanted to say- i loved your 'about me' write up when I visited your blog! Good to know you, and many thanks for dropping by!

gitanjali said...

@ Melani- welcome aboard :) Thankyou- and i wanted to say- i loved your 'about me' write up when I visited your blog! Good to know you, and many thanks for dropping by!

linu das said...

the definition given for love.. respect, pleasure. and. joy is cool. githu

gitanjali said...

Hey Linu :) Thanks, you :)

Eliminator said...

Gita, I can tell you why we don't see it when it happens to us. Serotonin, or rather the lack of it, makes us susceptible to being obsessed with the guy/girl whom we're attracted to. And obsession is believing what we want to believe, no matter how stark the truth may seem. Dopamine, on the other hand is released when we see or converse with the victim. It is a potent drug, and very addictive too. So Love isn't blind, love makes us blind. Chemically, love makes sense, why our brains don't make sense when we're infatuated. :D

gitanjali said...

Ah, answers! :)but now what, we need to resort to needle therapy? :(

SSJ Vegeta said...

Really well documented. I hate it when the other person just gives lame reasons instead of being frank and honest.

"I don't think I am the one for you. You deserve someone so much better"
"I am the way I am, if you don't like me you can go to hell"

- after a minor fight !? Really ?

Somewhere down the line, I think both men and women are reading too much into mainstream cinema and have their ideas of love a bit too shallow to say the least.

To quote this line from you sums up everything - "I seriously believe that Love is something that is a mix of respect, pleasure and joy. Mutual." - How so true !

gitanjali said...

@SSJ Vegeta- We pick all the wrong things from cinema, oh yes. Thank you :)